Family, a group united by blood, marriage or other union or through adoption, interacting with one another as spouse, partner, parent, children, siblings growing through each generation.” Definitions and descriptions vary but nowhere does it say you can join a ‘family’ by calling into a radio station.

I’ve gone on about this before so my bloviations may indeed fall on deaf ears but it is a sliver I just can’t remove.

I was listening to a radio station recently, Vancouver’s Now Radio 102.7. It’s good and refreshing, ironically enough a modern day throwback to the glory days of radio. Young hip jocks playing great music and doing a great job of engaging listeners in conversation.

‘102.7, Vancouver’s Conversation Station’

“Call us, text join our conversation. C’mon family we’d love to hear from you.”

“102.7 Vancouver’s conversation station. First time texter. Welcome to the family Shandra.”

And there it was. Someone was attempting to steal ‘family’ from me. First of all, it is lazy and secondly, it is insincere, just another attempt to steal words, to render them meaningless. Some faceless jock is not my family. Never will be. I have a family and it is not some community of listeners with a common preference for a radio station! Belonging to a family is a rare honour, bestowed freely and earned each and every day.

Now, I feel some sympathy for the on-air staff. Most of them are young and ambitious and love radio. “I don’t think we should say listeners are a part of the Now family” would be a hill they would not want to die on. To challenge the corporation which owns the station and the brand manager who is imposing the format would be a career killer. I get it. I was in radio for a long time. This is the same old corporate nonsense taking one of our most treasured words and using it to try and gather listeners. It has no integrity, no heart; it is at best a cynical, manipulative marketing tactic. And lazy. Bone lazy. There are many, many words last time I read a dictionary which describe warm, meaningful relationships. ‘Friends’ comes quickly to mind for example. And there are others.

I can remember one of those inevitable all staff meetings when the station GM introduced some VP of Broadcasting. He was part of Stingray a huge broadcast corporation which had recently acquired a number of radio stations in BC, ours among them.

“Welcome to the Stingray family …“ he intoned. I bristled. I always bristle when somebody or some corporation tries to steal that word from me. After the talking head went back to wherever it was he came from our GM asked for input on the meeting.

“This is not my family” I spoke up.

“My family is at home, they are my wife and children and my grandchildren and my parents. That is my family! They have been with me all their lives. We celebrate together and we hold each other tight when failure or tragedy visits. Our hands are joined in a web of support for every member of my family. None of us will fall far before we are caught in that protective embrace. Stingray is none of that and I don’t need it to be. All I want from my employer is a respectful working relationship and an opportunity to succeed in radio. Stingray will come and go in my life. My family won’t. You’re the GM, my boss and it’s an overreach to describe it all as being part of a family.”

I was on a roll.

“Oh Tony, you’re being too literal. Stingray just wants you to know it will take care of you like family.”

“No it won’t” I laughed, “And I don’t need Stingray to do that! In any event it’s something they can never be. Stingray can fire my ass, at will. My family can’t!”

“Anyway, I’ve had my say. I’m going home to my family.”

I was not popular.

One of those corporate surveys came out shortly after and I repeated the same thing. I knew it would fall on deaf ears but at least I’d said my piece, not without unseen consequence I expect but I had done what I’ve always told my children: Stand up for something from time to time, or you stand for nothing.

And I don’t get a merit badge for that. It’s like most things, much easier to grin and bear it rather than speak out of turn. It helped as well that I was 60 by then and well entrenched in my radio career. A little rabble rousing was never going to cause much damage. But I suppose if I were to do this all over again, Tony 2.0 would speak up earlier and louder. Not about everything, just the stuff that matters and as the saying goes, words matter.

My family matters. Stay the hell away from it. Don’t you dare co opt one of the most meaningful words in the English language for your corporate purpose. Show some bloody respect and leave ‘family’ alone!

Leave my family alone.

The radio jock was asking listeners to call in.

“So NOW family call me, text. Let me know what your pet peeve is, what really upsets you, makes you mad. We’re here for you NOW family.”

That damn sliver. I reached for my phone. My wife told me not to call.

But now you know what I would have said.

“Just stop it!”