Sometimes I really do think my dog can talk. And as she gets older she’s getting better at it. Rather than just aimlessly barking, which is without a doubt the human equivalent of shouting and equally annoying I might add, she will now growl in a range of tones and tempos. I actually think she is talking to me. That said she doesn’t think much about things. She’s just not a thinker.

Risk? Bark. Hungry? Growl. Happy? Snore.

Now humans, we think. A friend of mine just sent me a story he had written. It was profound and heartfelt and reflective and it moved me to think.

It’s what humans do particularly as we get older. And why is that? Perhaps when we get older it’s simply because we now have time. Or maybe we’re at an age when we’ve accumulated some lessons learned, some wisdoms acquired and we feel we have some things to say. Maybe now we have some perspective on it all, perspective at its best acquired after we’ve been through various experiences (hmmm, I may have stumbled upon my next book title: My Season of Various Experiences). Of course ageing being the relentless unforgiving Beast that it is, now would seem a good time to reflect and think about things before well, before we lose the ability to. Or is it just that we are more keenly aware than ever as we live our last years that we’re running out of time so if you think about it, now would be a good time to think.

I’m getting lost in a riddle of my own making. Where was I?

Ah yes. I know if you’re a youngster say thirty-five, forty or so you might find this all a bit presumptuous, suggesting perhaps that you don’t think about things as you navigate your lives, that you’re all moving mindlessly through it all. That is not what I think, nor what I intend to leave you with. None of what I say it intended to cause offense and I am keenly aware that most everyday thirty-five year olds are up to their necks in The Balancing Act. What with partners, parents, siblings, children, work, careers, mortgage, fixing the gutter, middle age, maintaining the house it is all you can do to fall into bed at the end of each day, only to recover sufficiently in order to then repeat. You have been tired for the last Seven Years and any talk of wisdom or reflecting or perspective or thinking falls on your very deaf ears. Even if you did have time you wouldn’t devote it to thinking you’d be torn between going for a workout, or on a date with your partner or more likely taking the children down to the beach.

It’s not all lost of course. These years of which we speak are by most accounts the most engaged, most active, most exhausting, most fulfilling of our lives and while you may not know it at the time, these are the years which inform the rest of your lives, which give you perspective. It’s just that the ‘thinking about things’ thing has to wait for awhile yet.

So back to me which let’s get real is really who I am writing about. I’m seventy-three now and like every other person of equivalent age, navigating my way through The Sea of Memories, dragging them behind me like some great tugboat pulling a log boom. (My apologies I have immediately recognized how tortured this metaphor is but I like it so I’m keeping it. Besides I live on Vancouver Island in BC now and I see those tugboats all the time. I had to do something with that. Right?). Those wet logs (don’t worry I’ll let go of it in a moment I promise) are a wonderful collection of good and sad memories, happy and unresolved memories, heart breaking and exhilarating, successes and failures, love won, love lost, fulfillment and regret. You get the idea. It’s a lot to unpack and just when you finally have enough time to do some unpacking, you’re running out of time. What is THAT all about!?

It’s a challenge. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and can leave us sobbing in despair. Other times we revisit these memories trying to untangle The Knot, trying to find some understanding, some peace of mind, only to realize that they are intractable and cannot be resolved with the time we have remaining. So we place them back in the drawer where we keep them until they return again insisting on another visit.

And then once in a while, not often mind you but enough to encourage us, there’s a breakthrough. Well, if you think about it there has to be a breakthrough once in a while otherwise it would be some sort of never ending self punishment. Perhaps it’s the Taurus in me but I see nothing good in that. I am not given to deep thought (speaking of being a Taurus) something about which those of you who read my blog will be keenly aware but even a blind squirrel can sometimes find a nut and this Blind Squirrel has experienced that just thinking.

There can be nothing more human than our ability to think and think on a profound level, sometimes spelunking through the inner chambers of our Memory Bank, searching out that which is unresolved. Other times landing happily on cherished memories giving us such endless comfort. Once in a while we might even rediscover a long hidden story that was hilarious when it happened and hilarious when it is remembered. To think is to be alive.

Good Lord! Who says that? What manner of bloviating blowhard presumes to write that sort of thing. I apologize although you would be correct to note that if I was truly sorry I would have deleted it.

My life has been a full one. I have loved and I have been loved. I am a very lucky man but I am a flawed man. All that said, I am a good man and I am saying none of these things to elicit sympathy nor forgiveness but rather to acknowledge how difficult our lives can be. In at least one respect we are all much the same, we are all challenged as we venture down our path. I have been a son, a brother, a father, a husband, a criminal defence lawyer, a morning show co-host, a cop, a prison guard, a good friend and a bad friend and now I’m a grandfather. I have some things to think about.

I too have been busy but do find myself with a wee bit of time on my hands.

So, now that I have time to think about my life, I’ll be darned if I’m not going to. My dog doesn’t think. She barks. I think.

And I need to do it before I run out of time.