My friend Bob Butler has magnificent eyebrows. I mean other than Andy Rooney the miserable old curmudgeon of ‘CBS 60 Minutes‘ fame (may he rest in peace) Bobby’s eyebrows may be The Best Eyebrows I’ve ever seen. We spend summer months with Jodi and Bob Butler and other friends in Deep Bay BC, a magnificent oasis on the east coast of Vancouver Island where eagles soar and Orcas astonish. Even the eagles check out Bobby’s eyebrows, circling around checking out if they could land on them for a rest.

No, for real.

Now while eyebrows served a real purpose back when we were dragging our knuckles along the ground, keeping dirt and stuff out of our eyes, they really don’t serve much practical purpose any more, at least from an evolutionary perspective. Except they are funny which in my world is serving a purpose.

And quite frankly I could do with some ‘funny’ this week. I have read back over some of my blog offerings over the last few weeks and my word I’ve been serious. And by serious I mean tedious, pedantic, self indulgent and well, just plain hard work to read. So this is kind of a ‘thank you’ for sticking with me. Some silly fun.

Of course that is easier said than done. Where’s the inspiration for some silly fun when all around us is so darn grim these days? My writing mentor David Sedaris, the American humourist, says we should stop worrying about finding inspiration. He says it’s all around us and that we just need to become better at seeing it.

And right on cue Bobby B. walked into the room, fresh back from a trip to his barber (yes, that does carbon date him). He had a drill sergeant brush cut with the immediate gravitas ‘don’t mess with me‘ look I expect he was going for. And eyebrows you could land a small aircraft on. I mean those things stood up and out, silver white tips adding an aesthetic exclamation mark unavoidable to the casual observer. He claimed that he had nothing ‘done’ to those eyebrows.

Uh-huh.

Now look all kidding aside I do acknowledge Bobby B’s superior eyebrow genetics. If their job is to keep sweat out of his eyes mission accomplished; although one has to wonder in which decade Bobby B. last perspired? And living on Vancouver Island as he does where rain is so commonplace, eyebrows such as those will prevent any rain getting in his eyes. In the event some random rain drops do get past his eyebrows they are diverted nicely to the side of his face, as if by design. Those eyebrows are like a Nike swoosh with a cute little wave in the middle. You know as I write about Bobby’s eyebrows I’m beginning to think from an evolutionary perspective at least, that Bobby Butler may in fact reflect genetic improvement at the highest level.

Said no one ever.

Of course there is a great deal of fashion in eyebrows now and it is big business. Threading (ouch!), waxing, pencilling, women get up to all manner of mysterious treatments. I told my wife the other day that she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

C’mon man! I’m not going to help you with this. If you didn’t get it read it again. It’ll make you smile. Promise. And there’s more to come.

Now you may find this next bit a little highbrow.

Actually, eyebrows were highly regarded in Ancient Egypt for both men and women. As far back as 3500 BC thick, bold brows were all the rage during the social season among the elite in Luxor, the Hampton’s of the day, nestled on the shores of the Nile. Such eyebrows paid homage to the Egyptian Gods of Protection and Good Health. Then in the Middle Ages for reasons lost to history domed foreheads became an object of considerable desire (there is no understanding men, start spelunking around that dark cave and you may never be heard from again). In order to highlight the ‘dome’ women took to plucking their eyebrows, so as to minimize them. And then down through history eyebrows wound their way, long, short, plucked, waxed, braided, tweezed and pencilled reminding us all once again how fortunate men have been through time, their eyebrows neither a point of interest nor observation.

Speaking of cosmetic care though, my word things have changed. Did you hear about the guy who was interested in botox. He knew his wife used it.

“Honey, I think I’d like to try botox as well.”

She didn’t even raise an eyebrow.

Which brings me back to Bobby B. and his remarkable eyebrows. I should acknowledge how unfair this has all been for my friend. All he did was get his hair cut and I without any particular permission have used him for my own purposes. But before you go all ‘right Tony, that is not fair to Bob’ on me you must certify that you have not smiled or laughed, even once reading about Bobby’s Eyebrows.

That said, all this learning about eyebrows, ‘browsing the internet’ as it were, has piqued my interest so I’ve decided to make an appointment with an eyebrow tech.

She said she’d pencil me in.