Author’s Note: So I have added the audio file for ‘Stay Awake’ and I feel as though I should apologize to Frank’s wife, who you will hear from shortly. Somehow I have made her sound as though she smokes non-stop, drinks whisky and has whiskers on her throat. That was not my intention, I’m sure her voice is perfectly pleasant. I think I’m projecting.

My word! Woke is taking a pounding these days. It’s under attack from every side. Even liberal progressives are disavowing some of the demanded changes. The whole discussion on pronouns for example (he/she/they) is confusing to many of us so we do what generations before us have always done. We summarily reject it. Man oh man there’s a rut in this road.

In the late 60’s feminist leaders like Sheila Michaels introduced the term ‘Ms.’ It was a way for women not to be defined by their relationship with men, as a Miss or a Mrs. That was back in simpler times, back when ‘woke’ simply meant ‘not asleep’. I was a teenager in the 60’s and this was my first exposure to what would be called ‘woke’ nowadays. And ‘Oh My Lord! The outrage!’. From every corner sharp criticism and predictions of a fundamental breakdown in family centred society. Feminists who were actually just getting started in the 60’s were widely and viciously mocked, called every name in the book. Besides every one knew they were all lesbians. What we don’t understand we summarily reject. And attack. Not much has changed.

For many the knee jerk about change is always the same; reject it, do what we can to stop it. We’re so predictable. In any pod, once it is established, most of our energy is spent defending that pod. Just like now. So much energy is being spent defending the social, political and economic pods we have constructed. Nowadays of course our social and political divides are more sharply defined. Words like ‘woke’ are being weaponized and it can be confusing and even my liberal friends are shying away from the heat.

“I’m all for woke but this pronoun thing is going too far.”

Wow it has an echo.

“I’m all for women’s rights but this ‘Ms.’ thing is going too far.”

It’s not going ‘too far’, it’s what change feels like. It’s always uncomfortable, that’s what change is and it’s why so much energy is spent fighting it driven by social and political forces which stand to lose with change. Lose power that is.

And it’s a fight worth having but it doesn’t always have to end in a confrontation.

My wife Mac and I have visited Mexico for many years. A couple of years ago we were in Puerto Vallarta spending a day with Mac’s friend Lynn Paddon in the rooftop pool at her very swanky hotel. With an early morning cocktail in hand (don’t judge me) I swam up to some friendly looking folk.

‘Hello, how you doin’?”.

“Hello, where are you guys from?” came the friendly reply and a lively conversation followed. Eventually one of the guys, a large funny guy said, “Hey I’ve got a joke. You’re gonna love it.”

“Sure” I said, “let’s hear it.”

“So there’s these two faggots …” and Mac jumped in.

“No, I’m sorry I don’t want to hear any homophobic jokes.” and she swam away from the group.

“Frank!” a loud shrill voice rang out from behind a deck chair “I told you not to tell that joke, not down here!”

I was not at all surprised Mac had left. She is gracious and non confrontational but stands up for what she thinks is important, in whatever form it arrives. In her world, whether as a spouse, a friend or a mother she has never varied. That this homophobia came wrapped in a joke made no difference to Mac. My Minnesota friend on the other hand was a little nonplussed but I wanted to go down this rabbit hole with Frank so I stayed and encouraged him to continue. He was only too happy.

It was a typical homophobic joke that may have still played well in northern Minnesota but not in my woke world in Kelowna. But I thought Frank deserved a fair warning.

“Frank, you need to be careful with jokes like that.” I prodded.

“Fuckin’ faggots, who cares about ‘em anyway?!”

“Well look here’s the deal Frank, we’re in Old Town in Puerto Vallarta. Decades ago PV made a decision to be gay friendly and it is now home for tens of thousands of gay men and women and a destination for hundreds of thousands of gay tourists each year.”

“Frank!” another shrill claxon call, more barked warning than shared communication.

Frank was not to be dissuaded.

“So there’s these two faggots …”

“Look Frank,” I continued determined to confront his homophobia but wanting to ensure he couldn’t see me coming,

“Here’s the thing’”and I paused to grab his focused attention,

“I’m gay!”

“Frank! what did I tell ya.”

Frank literally stopped in his tracks, gathered his thoughts and moved away. I was walking my talk and bringing the conversation to Frank’s breakfast nook. I will have made no difference to Frank but that is not the point. Becoming engaged in the issues of your time which matter to you, bringing influence to bear where you can, that’s the point. I am incapable of leading change but I am capable of becoming part of it. We are all invited to stand up for something once in a while. Or you stand for nothing. I don’t harbour any thoughts that I am a paragon of virtue nor that my anecdote illustrates striking virtue. It doesn’t, I was drinking alcohol in a pool at 10 o’clock in the morning for God’s Sake. No, the short point I’m just one man and that is where change lives; in our homes, with our friends, our children, at the kitchen table. It is where you will always do your best work. It is always where you are most awake and can make the most difference.

I sometimes think of Minnesota Frank. I am sure that he is still telling the story about his trip to Puerto Vallarta and the ‘faggoty ass Canadian queer’ he met down there. I’m equally sure that one of his gay friends who may be thinking about coming out will have a quiet smile on his face as Frank tells the story. He already knew all Canadians were socialists. Now he has proof we’re all gay. Poor Frank. Well I suppose he has Trump to comfort him.

I think being ‘woke’ is a good thing, implying as it does an awareness of injustice, inequity and racism, urging us to get engaged in change. But to conservatives being ‘woke’ is an insult, implying that you are an unnecessary agent of change, here to destroy all that we know and trust, all that came before sure in the conviction that all is well and nothing needs changing.

As with all things we need to strike a note of caution. To be woke is a good thing. Until it’s not. It’s not a good thing when it is used to undermine free speech as it has been in recent times. Free speech is only tested when you are confronted by statements with which you vehemently disagree and may even consider to be hateful. That is when our right to free speech is tested. At times the insistence on being woke has been used to stifle thought and debate and free expression. We must be vigilant lest it be turned to a dark purpose. Like banning books.

But enough of me. I’m truly impressed if you’ve read or listened to this whole piece. I do go on! Being ‘woke’ is just modern vernacular, and vernacular changes with the seasons, other words adopted in their turn. Being ‘woke’ is just the word of the day. Being ‘awake’ though is far more. What matters is that it matters to you, that you care and that you are engaged in the issues of the day.

In that, we can all play a part and help one another.